If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
