THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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