As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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