I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
