I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
