We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
