Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize