here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
