my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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