It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
