Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
