what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize