Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize