i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
