I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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