DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
