I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
