Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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