TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
