I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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