i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
