i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
