all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
