i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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