Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
