I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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