Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
