I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
