If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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