I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
