He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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