Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
