I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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