if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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