I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
