you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
