You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize