cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
