I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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