i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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