I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
