Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
