My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize