there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
