Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
