i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
