I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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