Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
