i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
