By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
