hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize