I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
