nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
