They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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