It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
