sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
