actually, I'm a sock model
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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