am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
