There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
