sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
