Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
