i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
