i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
