Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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