Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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