i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
