I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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