dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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