Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
