I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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