Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize