Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They took my balls.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
