he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
