at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
