guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
