no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
