I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
