my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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