I'm so fucking centered right now
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
