really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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