Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
